My mother does not understand what fat is. Nor does she understand that fat people have regular sex, can and will do normal things, and can possibly enjoy life in the least. She has this specter over her shoulder her entire life. this fear; and here I am the manifestation of that fear.
It's like a poison. Maybe she doesn't even know about the poison she spreads? I just don't want it passed on down to the grandchildren.
Its a horrid place to be. She thinks size 18 is fat. She is full of shit. She would not know Fat if it bit her in the ass. It never has. She thinks she will live longer. I think she will burn out like candle without any tallow to sustain it. Just like my poor grandma who is about to go into surgery tomorrow. She hopefully has enough to sustain her.
I am so pissy about this issue though. I have regular SEX! When I met my husband I was a size 24-26. We did it all the time. He is no airy fairy either. We had to be honest and we had to figure things out but we did it. And we learned tantra together. We liked having sex and I must admit our new bed really is what ruined it for us. Being too squishy made it near impossible for me to really connect right with my husband. And I of course mentally equate a happy sex life with happy happy life.
It seems she thinks happiness is connected to weight but if there is anything that I have learned is that I can be happy, be fat, and be me. I can be satisfied with the clothes I have. I can walk. I can swim. I can play. I really can. I can hike even. And if moving to Montreal means I hole myself up in an apartment and never come out, I will be doing myself a disservice. At least I learned that.
I just posted about interviewing, now I'm posting here, but I'm done, I swear, I found your site from BFD, just so you know.
ReplyDeleteMy mom thinks size 4 is fat, so I know your pain. Everyone is fat. She recently was sick had tons of tests done only to have her doctor tell her she'd feel better if she gained weight which just sent her into a spiral of crazy.