Man I have gotten rusty. Reading my Avatar post is painful. And the sad thing is I can't remember the scientific words for human reproduction. Like parthenogenesis and what we call celluar development that occurs in according to the fibronacci sequnce and the lreation between whole sprial dna, spiral celluar development, and the bilateral development of a fetus. I don't even remember the acutal words and I suppose I should look them up and open my "brain closets" again.
While being sick from this creeping sinus infection I suddenly found myself remembering my old life and the time I had one of these infections for weeks and weeks. I was going to herbology classes and we had to do a special field trip and I was a driver. So I had to go, coughing and phlemy as I was.
One of the guys in our class was older, maybe in his late 40's and he was studying to be a healer. He also had HIV. And that day he prayed for me and offered me some osha tea or tincture for my very terrible resistant cold. And very soon that cold went away. Echinacia never worked for me, I think it acutally weakened me more so finding a herb, the sacred bear-herb stregthened me and in the past I used to to stave off many colds and flues.
Then I forgot. Being with Jon was like a great forgetting of myself and I suppose I drove myself to that by trying to be more like him. I was a child of nature in my own pathetic way. He is well, a computer-loving couch tuber. And in away I loved him for that because it released me from all the deeply ingrained feelings I had about TV, the planet, exercise, and so forth. It was really hard for me to relax because of all my opinions and my lists of can and can't do. Jon was like a big huge relaxing bath of conventionalism.
It was relaxing letting go finally and not worrying about everything. But then I also shut down all my creative outlets. I shut down my ability to be with people. I shut down my ability to function as a professional. To this day I don't know if there was a reason except being tired. Being me had obviously gotten me no where.
And being me has kept me alive but my life has'nt changed much since my college days.
It's still about dirty apartments, room mates, cheap food, and consoling myself it will just get better in a few months or so.
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