Everytime I breach the subject, he evades and ignores me. What will the new year bring? Am I ready to be on my own again in all my faculties? Will I ever live a life of warmth and security?
I suppose no one truly is secure in this world. I take my floating thru space and time for granted. I have been lucky. I am in one piece. Or two pieces as I really am. I have a job for now. Am I loved?
It is very hard to be loved from a distance. And the fact I can not love myself is enough to drive me to not reach out for companionship from others. I regret that but it will take a long time to purge this constant feeling that I am terrible, hideous human being that should not inflict themselves upons others delicate and righteous senses.
A gift, a mention of affection, a token of something between us; anything really would change everything. I mean what am I a? A woman of stone and leather? I pretend to be all tough but there is still a bit of that idealistic little girl who would like a bit a shiny to reassure herself she is still loved.
Am I still loved?
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